R & R

When we see those two letters together we will likely assume they mean “rest and relaxation.”  Rest and relaxation together make us smile, and the tension we feel miraculously leaves us in anticipation of something good. We like rest and relaxation.  

We deserve it. We seek it, and we find it.

That would be an easy thing to write about. A popular subject but a short one.

The R & R we will consider in this post is ‘reconciliation and restoration.’ This is not a popular subject because it requires us to feel things that are uncomfortable, and do things that are contrary to our sense of fairness and our need for retribution, another ‘R’ word. Instead of seeking things we deserve, we seek things we are owed. 

We all have people in our lives who have harmed us in some way. Misunderstandings have escalated and communication has ceased. It is also true that we have people in our lives who we have hurt, and rather than pursue the relationship, we’ve allowed it to end. Many of these relationships were toxic and needed to end, but some continue to hurt us in the estrangement…further attention and investigation is required. And then, there are those broken relationships which require recognition and submission to God’s plan.

He is our example, and He gives us what we need to follow His example.

“For God was in Christ, reconciling the world to Himself, no longer counting people’s sins’s against them. And He gave us this wonderful message of reconciliation.” 2 Corinthians 5:19

God, in His great mercy and love, has given me several circumstances to understand and learn up close and personal what it means to be reconciled to the people in my life.

My sister is five years younger than me, and her life path took her down roads I could not go.  We were separated when I got married and our parents moved with her a thousand miles away. She was just 14. We both lost the family we knew, but her entire world changed. Our father was unemployed. Our mother got sick. She was left to negotiate this new life on her own. We attempted to stay close, but once a year trips and occasional letters could not sustain or encourage that relationship as we both grew into adulthood. She made some choices which compromised her faith and complicated her life. Thirteen years after this life changing  move, our father died at age 67. She became the primary emotional support for our mother, a widow at 64. My sister was just 27 years old, and by this time had a family of her own.  

Family dynamics are tricky things, and I know I am speaking truth when I say there are not many Hallmark moments in the majority of families. Words are spoken and misunderstood.  Resentments get blown out of proportion. Opinions and assumptions contort reason and benevolence. Love grows cold and dislike turns to hatred.  

After about 30 years of what seemed like a tug of war ending with both of us in the mud repeatedly, our relationship had ended in silence. We did not speak to each other for 10 years.

Our mother died during this time, but still there was silence between us.  

It troubled me, but I was sure I was helpless to do anything about it.  

A few years after our mother had died, I woke up one morning and immediately told Luke about a dream I had.  In it my sister and I were at a family gathering (something that never happened). In my dream, we were trying to avoid each other. I was sitting on a couch, and suddenly my sister came over and kissed me on the top of my head. I woke up wondering, “Where did that come from?” As I was relating my dream to Luke, he started to smile. I couldn’t believe it when he said,”I just checked our USPS Informed Delivery email, and there’s a letter from your sister coming, to be delivered today!” This was not necessarily good news to me.  I had received a few letters from my sister during those silent years, and none of them made me smile.  (Remember that part about misunderstandings, resentments and assumptions?) 

I had a few days to think and pray about it because we were out of town at the time, but when we returned home and searched our mail box, I was ready to read my sister’s words.  

She had written me a love letter. In it she related a moment when she was talking with God and expressing her love for me, her sister.  She wrote that she knew then, by His direction, that He was requiring her to tell me of her love. She obeyed and wrote me a love letter.  It was short, but her message was clear, humble and holy. I wrote her back immediately and expressed my love for her as well.  

That was four years ago, and we have continued to write letters…handwritten…stationery…stamps…envelopes…mailbox type letters ever since. They are full of life, love, and God’s great gift of reconciliation and restoration. He has more than restored.

A few months later I decided I would paint a picture depicting two little girls, holding hands, walking a path together through a forest, toward a glorious sunset beyond the mountains. (She lives in the mountains too.) I did not tell her it was coming and timed it so it would arrive for her birthday.

The miracle of our reconciliation was amplified and sealed with that delivery, and her incredulous message to me when she received it. She was working on a surprise of her own!  She was just finishing a gift for me as well. She is also an artist, creating beautiful quilt designs and wall hangings. At the same time I was painting her a picture, she was creating a quilt wall hanging for me!  

The miracle of those artistic expressions was that we were both creating the same picture!  Even now, as I write this, I am at a loss for words!

The only ones that seem at all adequate are “GLORY TO GOD IN THE HIGHEST!” 

Both of us captured the gift from God and His message to us separately and yet together. The same message. We were now walking the same path together, through the forest, mountains, and fields of flowers towards a deeper relationship with God and eternity with Him.  

He reconciled and restored.

Every time I look at the creativity of my sister…the same thought…the same gratitude in art….the same Glory to God…I am amazed at God’s love for us. I am amazed at His intimate involvement in our lives. 

It is a lesson and reminder to acknowledge that reconciliation and restoration are only possible through forgiveness.  

Ephesians 4:32 says, “Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.”

Colossians 3:13 repeats this directive, “Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.”

Loving grows when forgiving paves the path.

Forgetting the offenses against us can only take place when bad memories are replaced with glorifying God for His ‘forgetting’ of our many offenses against Him. We praise Him for making a way for us to escape the burden of our own sins and offenses.  

How can we hold something against another person or even ourselves when Jesus, a perfect God/Man took all of our sins upon Himself? How can we not forgive when He went before the judge and said, “I will pay her penalty. I will take her punishment on Myself so that she will not only go free, but she will live in paradise for all of eternity.”  

How can I not accept such a gift?  

How can I not live my life differently having accepted that gift? 

God’s plan is always centered around reconciliation and restoration. My sister and I are now walking the same path together toward a deeper relationship with our Abba, our One True Father.  Through His love and His amazing gift to us, we blend our voices in praise to Him, and we will be telling this story in this world and forever in His Kingdom.

If you know someone who would be encouraged by this post, please share it!