Amazing Grace

This was almost entitled “When You Realize You Are Old.”  An appropriate choice because growing old requires a whole lot of amazing grace, but that is not where we want to focus.

The appreciation of today’s amazing grace is centered around the covenant we made to each other and our God 54 years ago when we were married.  August 19, 1972 was another hot, humid summer day, but we did not care.  We were young and in love.  The amazing grace part is realizing that we are now old and in love and still able to remember all of the stuff that came in between. 

If anyone asks us what the key to a long marriage is, our answer would always be “amazing grace.”  

In 2003 I was writing for a local Christian family magazine.  I was given an assignment to write about marriage.  At this time Luke and I had been married for 31 years.  This is what I wrote…

Vows At Sunset

Last weekend, my husband and I spent a leisurely afternoon in South Haven, Michigan.  We enjoyed a nice dinner and then walked down to the beach to watch the sunset.

With just a bit of a breeze, the rolling waves, a child’s laughter and the red streaks across the sky, it was an idyllic setting.  We were feeling somewhat contemplative, but our mood was compounded as we realized we would witness two weddings.  They were as different from each other as they could be.

One evolved just a few yards from where our blanket lay.  A few casually dressed people began to gather on the sand, and soon a young woman was escorted down the boardwalk towards a grinning groom.  Their vows were said quietly as the seagulls and beach strollers floated in and out of their special event.

The other wedding was in full celebration in a tent up on the hill, overlooking the beach just in front of an elegant Bed and Breakfast.  There was nothing quiet about this reception.  The hoots and hollers could be heard, I’m sure, clear out to the sunset cruises on the lake.  Once, a chorus of female voices rose up with, “Goin’ to the chapel and we’re gonna get ma-ha-ha-ried!”  It sounded like a grand party!

Of course, these two weddings evoked some thoughtfulness in me, and I turned to my husband of 31 years and asked, “Would you want to be that young again and feel all of the excitement and expectation of a newlywed?”

“If I could know what I know now, maybe…but I like the stage of life we’re in,” he said.  “They have so much to learn!”  We went on to discuss how when we were young we believed that life was all about us, and all we had to do was sit down at that banquet table, and we would be served.

We’ve learned a few things since then.  I remember on one of our first dates we saw the movie, “Love Story.”  At the end of the movie the dying, young wife tells her grieving, young husband that love means, “never having to say I’m sorry.”  As I sniffled through the closing moments of the movie, I grasped onto that philosophy and held it for many years.  I learned, however that the opposite is true.

Love means a lot of “I’m sorry” and daily forgiveness.  It sounds simplistic, but it is the truth of a solid marriage.  Saying, “I’m sorry” (and meaning it) takes humility.  Giving forgiveness takes authentic love.  Humility and authentic (unconditional) love are essential ingredients in marriage.

Christ is our example and as we know Him, He enables us through the Holy Spirit to experience and enact such humility and love.

At the wedding on the beach, we saw heads bowed and prayers said at least three times during the short ceremony committing two young people to each other for life.  I breathed my own prayer for these two strangers.  I prayed that God would pursue them all of their lives and that they would not be able to ignore His whisper.

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These two couples would now be married 23 years and, unfortunately, the next thought is, “I hope they are still together.”  

Followed by, “Thank You, Father God, that Luke and I are still together!”

Marriage is not meant to be endured. There are no participation trophies for sticking it out.  The reward is in applying God’s Truth to each day and knowing His joy in every moment of each day. 

Micah 6:8 is one of those truths. “O people, the Lord has told you what is good, and this is what He requires of you; to do what is right, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God.”

Back in the 1970s it was popular to use parts of 1 Corinthians 13 in a Christian marriage ceremony. We insisted it be a part of our vows to each other.  We took it seriously.  It was a holy standard, and we stood up in front of many witnesses vowing to love just like that, knowing deep down in our young hearts we would fail.  

“ I show you a more excellent way. Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in truth; bears all things, believes all things, endures all things.  Love never fails.”

We did fail…many times.  What we believed about our love for each other on August 19, 1972 was true and real.  What we could not know then, but what we know now through our many failures is that 1 Corinthians 13 love is what we call ‘supernatural love.’  

It is how Jesus Christ loves us and how we through Him and His Spirit in us can love each other.  It is possible to love like Him, but only through Him and by Him and because of Him.

Marriage is a joy and a gift.  It is God’s plan for us. We humbly thank Him for bringing us through the fires of failure together to know His amazing grace.  

We are asking Him for 54 more years together!

“These trials will show that your faith is genuine.  It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold-though your faith is far more precious than mere gold.  So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world.”  1 Peter 1:7

“All glory to Him Who alone is God, our Savior through Jesus Christ our Lord. All glory, majesty, power, and authority are His before all time, and in the present, and beyond all time!  Amen!”Jude 1:25